Any journey towards change is also a journey away from where you’ve been, whether it’s a decision to work towards more positivity in your responses to the ups and downs of the writing life, or sit down with a work-in-progress to revise or do necessary research.
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Every time you begin to work at something, you begin again. There are first steps all along whatever journey you’re on. So whether you’re setting out or continuing, your journey is full of “first steps.”
Yet there’s something that may stop you.
All you may notice is that you’re having trouble doing whatever you thought you wanted to do, whether that’s reading about how to dispute your pessimistic thinking or sit down at your desk with a manuscript. Internal or external distractions seem to seek you out.
Maybe there is a problem you need to explore. Maybe you’ve hit an obstacle inside yourself or with your writing that needs some delving.
But you can’t delve and discover while you’re yelling at yourself.
Barely audible to you, but absolutely negative, a running commentary runs inside you like underlying static sound on a radio. The noise keeps you from getting information about why you might be having trouble. Negative thoughts color your experience before you ever take step one.
The internal commentary we have within ourselves is often so like white noise in nature that we don’t even notice it.
When we can’t do what we’ve set out to do, when we can’t begin or begin again, many of us head right into questioning ourselves, then judging.
What’s going on with me? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I _____________? You begin naming your problem: I’m distracted; I’m stressed; I have writer’s block.
So before your first step, make sure you take the step before that: step back.
Step back from the self-analysis.
Step back from the name-calling.
Step back by noticing.
Noticing will ”neutralize” your experience. Find a phrase that helps you make noticing into a tool. “This is interesting” is my favorite neutralizing phrase. It immediately takes you slightly out of your experience so that your brain switches one step away from negativity or pessimistic thinking. Use this phrase, or find one that works for you.
Here’s an example of the change “noticing” can make. The phrases below aren’t uncommon immediate responses to feeling stuck with a writing or writing-life related project:
–I can’t sit down and start revising!
–I told myself I wanted to learn about changing my negative attitudes about publishers’ rejections but I can’t stop being upset long enough to take the first step!
–This revision letter is overwhelming!
When you hear those statements (go ahead, read them out loud), the emotional impact is palpable. You can feel them, and they don’t feel good.
Add the phrase, “This is interesting” before each statement (again, go ahead and read them out loud):
–This is interesting. I can’t sit down and start revising.
–This is interesting. I told myself I wanted to learn about changing my negative attitudes about publishers’ rejections but I can’t stop being upset long enough to take the first step.
–This is interesting. This revision letter is overwhelming.
The exclamation points are gone because the statements have a slightly different emotional impact, don’t they? Each is one step further from the emotional intensity of the original statement. The small distance created can be crucial to you moving ahead instead of staying stuck emotionally.
The phrase, “this is interesting,” or a neutralizing phrase of your own, puts some space between the intensity of the negative emotion and your rational brain, and you are then free to look at the possibility of disputing , or even learning to dispute, your thoughts.
The lean and sway we tend to do towards negativity when we’re facing problems is so automatic that putting in an artificial barrier can be so helpful. That’s this is interesting.
When you feel stuck anywhere on your writing life journey, or ready to begin a new journey – such as learning to dispute pessimistic thinking in order to feel more energetic, productive and creative as a writer – do an Always-Your-Very-First-Step Negativity Check.
And if you’re having trouble feeling optimistic about learning to be more optimistic, how about this? Just be interested. Gather information. Learn about the practice and research on the impact of disputing pessimistic thinking.
Interest is not simply neutrality. It’s positivity – because it keeps your mind open to possibilities. And that’s a huge part of being, or becoming, an irrepressible writer.
I like your method. I just started rewriting a novel from a different POV, third person to first person. Really, it’s rewriting the book. I’ve done something similar to your “this is interesting” phrase but it hasn’t been consistent. I like the consistency of this method!
Wow, Carol. This sounds so simple, and yet powerful. I’m definitely going to try it out.
Thanks, Carmela – It does tend to get us to just back up a little…and that can gives us the few seconds we need to get some emotional and intellectual “space” from the negativity!