Many years ago, the presenter in a workshop on human emotion asked us to close our eyes and imagine clouds in the sky moving with the wind, from one end of our mind’s vision to the other, then passing out of sight. As we did, he said, “Human emotion, feelings, are transient in this same way.”
If I had to pick only one lesson of importance in these years of work with individuals and groups, it would still be that one.
Human emotion is transient.
Unhooking emotions from your judgment of them is freeing. If you do nothing else, you liberate yourself to experience the emotion, and move on.
Positive and negative feelings are transient. They pass. For many people, negative emotions are harder to take. We don’t “like” them. We say things like:
- I wish I didn’t feel this way;
- I hate this feeling; and
- This feeling is draining my energy and keeping me from writing.
When you wish negative feelings away, they only double up on themselves. Another layer of negativity (wishing it gone) piles on.
You won’t “get rid of” your negativity by yelling about it. Though my mathematician husband would argue this point, two negatives absolutely don’t make a positive. Not with emotions.
Paul Greci writes about this in his comment to my recent post: “When those negative emotions do creep in, don’t fight them. Greet them. Make friends with them. They don’t have to scare you. They are temporary.” Read more of Paul’s comment here. Thanks for this succinct and poignant reminder, Paul. There’s more on Paul’s blog about his peaceful and self-accepting attitude about life and writing.
Dennis Palumbo is equally firm about the importance of accepting the negative aspects of the writing life in his classic WRITING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
It’s all about what I call normalizing emotions, accepting them as natural responses to being human. It’s not all we can do with negative emotions, but it’s absolutely the first step.
As a writer, you probably have lots of opportunities to practice letting go of this kind of judgment.
So you may be wondering, “But exactly how do I go about not yelling at my negative feelings? It’s fine to say I should stop yelling, but I just can’t seem to do it!”
I’ve got a plan for you, right here.
What are the negative feelings you “hate”? And can you imagine how different it might feel if you let the hate go, and tried to let the feelings float past like a cloud in the sky?
