Jealous Much? FIRST in a series to help you change jealousy into inspiration

Back in third grade, as I practiced writing cursive letters for the first time, I noticed Missy Halloran’s elegant, swirly and so, so pretty writing – much more attractive than my clunky, chunky attempts.

Before I gave it any thought, I began copying her letters. Her handwriting would be my handwriting. I couldn’t have Missy’s height and weight, her gorgeous hair and smooth, light skin, her uncorrected eyesight, cute giggle, social skills or clothes. But I could have her handwriting.

The fact that I got good grades and wrote poetry was not enough.

We know that jealousy causes intellectual, physical and emotional cramping.

And unless we isolate ourselves as writers, we are surrounded with the potential for jealousy: a community of fellow writers striving for and achieving excellence; critique partners who challenge instead of pacify; a world in which ‘success’ may feel measured by reviews, advances, copies sold.

Jealousy propels us into negativity and drains energy, productivity and creativity. Jealousy focuses our energy on who we aren’t or can’t be, and inhibits us from being and becoming the writers we are and can be.

You know that. And you hear and read that you must change jealousy into a source of inspiration. But how?

Here’s how to get from jealousy to inspiration, step-by-step:

STEP ONE: Normalize the feelings of jealousy so that when they come, you’re not surprised. Surprise is often accompanied by anger at the feelings, and that zooms you off into another knotty situation.

How to normalize? As soon as the feeling surface, notice it. When you do this, “I’m so jealous” becomes “I notice I’m jealous” or “This is interesting, I’m feeling jealous.”

This act creates time/space distance from the jealousy. You’re then able to observe it and learn from it, rather than become embroiled in it.

Even this first step will help you feel less controlled and diminished by this natural feeling.

Eager to zip right from jealousy to admiration? Understandable. But if jealousy’s hard for you, try setting up a habit of positivity by taking one step at a time.

It sounds simplistic, but the practice of “noticing” offers you huge opportunities.

As I’ve described here, I signal noticing with the phrase, “This is interesting.” I borrowed it from one of my mentors, and you should feel free to borrow it from me, or invent your own “signal” phrase.

Go ahead and try:

_____________________________________________________________

(your own “I’m jealous” statement)

_____________________________________________________________

(your “noticing” phrase)

Practice. Practice repeatedly. That’s how you’ll make noticing a habit. Then you’ll be ready to move on to STEP TWO, which I’ll detail in my next post.

And speaking of noticing, are there any familiar patterns to your jealousy? Is it a particular thing that incites it? Or a particular mood of your own that leaves you vulnerable? I’d love to hear…