It’s not just the negative self-talk that wastes your writing time. It’s the negative self-talk over and over. And over.
Ruminating is a common and unhappy, unproductive activity. And the desire to “just say no” and switch it off can be unsuccessful.
In fact, yelling at Rumination to stop often kicks in a bigger and “better” version. Something bothers us and we’re off and running. We analyze, examine, explore whatever’s on our mind. Maybe we’ll figure out a new angle, a missing piece of information, an answer. We start yelling at ourselves when that doesn’t happen, but we try harder.
Vacuumed into that kind of negativity cycle, we never find what we want – answers, or control over whatever bothered us in the first place. Because the negativity that accompanies rumination fuels it, as well. The negative state you’re in gets your brain working double-time finding new and not-so-charming negative thoughts, and your downward spiral pulls you in.
When you add rumination to even a bit of negative feeling, it can explode into a major negative emotional experience, even depression. And because you’re ruminating, you can’t see things clearly enough to challenge your irrational thinking.
Here are 3 tips for loosening the tight grasp of rumination:
- NOTICE that you’re ruminating. Noticing will take you one step outside of the experience, and you need that distance. Develop a catch phrase to remind yourself to notice and write it down, then post it somewhere obvious.
- ACKNOWLEDGE that the ruminating won’t do you any good, now or in the future, and that it does harm you and waste a huge amount of time. You might ask yourself, “How do I want to spend the time of my life?”
- FIND A DISTRACTION THAT ENGAGES BODY, MIND, SPIRIT OR ALL THREE: You aren’t necessarily looking for enjoyment alone, but heartfelt engagement. Something that uses physical, intellectual and/or emotional energy and truly distracts. That kind of engagement breaks the downward spiral and the rumination and builds positive emotions. Unhealthy distractions are transient, and often trigger a new dose of negativity that gets you yelling about the unhealthy distraction (food when you’re not at all hungry; alcohol; smoking; etc.).
Develop a list of reliable, engaging activities that you can “call on” in the face of rumination.
Once you disrupt your rumination, you’re in position to dispute your negative thoughts (want to learn how or get a refresher course? check out this blogpost…and don’t hesitate to contact me if you have questions!
Ruminating writer? You probably have better ways to spend your time, right?
This is so valuable. And I do try to work at it, but it can be challenging! So often I meet people who have just recently taken up writing and have already met with tremendous success. I have to shoo away all the negative thoughts that begin flitting around my brain! Because it’s not a race. It’s a slow and steady march toward a personal goal.
Thanks for your posts. They’re like a good cup of tea — comforting and energizing.
Thanks for your comment, Kate. Practicing resilience is challenging…because feelings are transient, and negative ones are “heavier” than positive. So we have to keep creating the positive experiences and language to balance things out – and according to Barb Fredrickson, author of POSITIVITY and award-winning researcher, it takes three times as many positive emotions to balance one negative. So, yeah – that’s a lot of work! And I think you’ve hit on one of the heartfelt beliefs that helps so much – it’s really not a competition with anyone else. In my decade of consistent commitment to children’s writing, that’s a frequent reminder I have to give myself!