This will be my last post at The Irrepressible Writer for awhile or forever, although it won’t be my last commentary on creating and maintaining resilience for the writer’s journey.

My tri-yearly column continues at Illinois-SCBWI’s The Prairie Wind and I’ll happily guest post, put my two cents into conversations, and remain available for consultation via email, phone and in person.

My decision to take a long hiatus or permanent separation from The Irrepressible Writer blog has to do with the very positive need, yearning really, to allow all of my creative energies focus on my current work in progress, as well as on personal essays I’ve set aside for several years.

It’s not a matter of time, nor of physical energy or life-related obstacles. It’s more of a longing to let myself soak, even sink completely, into my other writing. E.L. Konigsberg, via Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler (FROM THE MIXED-UP FILES OF MRS. BASIL E. FRANKWEILER) describes the point in time for this goodbye best:

“No, I don’t agree with [the need to learn one new thing every day]. I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. but you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them.”

The time feels right, since I’ve provided a volume of practical and philosophical suggestions based on theory and life, for any writer who struggles with staying resilient and either needs reminders, brush-up-on-optimism tips, or a full course in how to discover, build and maintain resilience. At the end of this post, I offer a step-by-step self-directed “workshop” of links for you, or for future readers.

I leave the blog feeling positive, and positively, about the ability of learned and practiced optimism (optimism by choice, rather than by nature) to change a life, and certainly to decrease the time and energy (and therefore brain capacity) spent in gratuitous negativity.

As writers we face an onslaught of challenges. If you weren’t born with ready-made resilience, you can work hard to create it. When you challenge your mind to think differently, your feelings follow. With practice, with daily choices to learn an optimistic explanatory style instead of pessimistic, you’ll feel increasingly natural about it all. You’ll notice that in response to the vicissitudes of a writer’s life, your skin feels, not tough, but elastic.

Taking time out to let things be…and wishing you well.                        

Self-Directed Resilience Workshop:

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/11/why-jump-in-to-optimism-when-youre-so-familiar-with-despair/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/13/youve-got-style-which-one-will-it-be/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/10/wherever-you-are-thats-where-youll-start/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/12/your-very-first-step-no-even-before-that-one/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/04/06/feelings-are-transient-the-good-news-and-the-bad/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/09/how-to-dispute-pessimistic-thinking/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/03/07/tip-for-disputing-negative-thoughts/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/01/26/when-youre-being-negative-what-if-youre-wrong/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/12/10/writers-unblock-tips-catching-your-negativity-spiral/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/12/07/writers-unblock-tips-when-youre-overwhelmed/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2009/11/19/three-things-you-need-to-become-a-more-resilient-writer/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/09/23/create-resilience-positive-emotions-by-choice/

The Writer’s Journey:

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/09/08/resilient-you-open-to-pain/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/08/31/michelangelos-advice/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/07/20/journey-to-positivity/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/07/13/when-should-i-quit/

http://theirrepressiblewriter.com/2010/09/14/rabbi-susyas-advice/

This site at the Chicago Botanic Gardens made me think: are there are times as a writer when you might feel like you’re just barely hanging on? When the obstacles of the writing life seem overwhelming and almost – almost – more than you can bear? You’re at the edge of despair, but not willing to let yourself drop down?

Here are some tips for those Just Hangin’ On times:

1. Don’t fight yourself and your feelings. Be gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself about what’s making you feel this way. Be as matter-of-fact as possible, rather than using judgmental language. If you have a hard time doing this, imagine someone else real or imaginary, someone who cares for you dearly, talking to you about why you’re just barely hanging on right now. Listen to her/his/it’s voice, and try to accept the compassion for where you’re at.

2. Plan for the (near) future (watch for next week’s planning post for positive, success-oriented planning).

3. Reach out for help. A phone call, an email, a visit with a trusted person can work wonders.

Above all remember that it is virtually always true that when you accept how you are feeling, rather than judging it, the intensity relaxes. You still may feel down, but if you remind yourself that feelings are not “bad”, and that they are transient…they may be.

I’m so pleased to present this interview with Kate Messner, author of the brand-new  SUGAR AND ICE ( Walker, 2010) and THE BRILLIANT FALL OF GIANNA Z. ( Walker 2010  ).

Here, Kate generously discusses writing resilience – having it, pumping it up, and reinforcing its importance in the writers’ journey.

If you struggle with resilience, note how even a natural  optimist as Kate is chooses the way she speaks to herself about certain writing events – you can make those choices, too, particularly if you learn and practice the technique of “disputing” pessimistic thinking.

THE IRREPRESSIBLE WRITER: Kate, do you consider yourself a natural optimist, or do you have to work at an optimistic attitude and staying a resilient writer?

KATE MESSNER: I’m naturally pretty optimistic, but truth be told, it’s easy for the publishing industry to make a pessimist of anyone, I think. The journey to a debut novel can be a long one, and as rejections mount, it can be tough to keep that optimistic attitude. I think the best advice I ever heard about this was from a fellow author who suggested that writers interpret each rejection not as a “No,” but simply as a “Not yet.”

TIW: Great advice! What are the specific difficulties you have struggled (and/or continue to struggle) with as part of your writing journey?

KM: Time is always the biggest issue for me, since I also teach middle school full time and have a family. I generally write from 9-11 each night after my kids are in bed, but there are nights when I’m reluctant to open my keyboard, thinking, “Oh, it’s late…I won’t have time to get much done, so I won’t bother.”

TIW: How have you handled these difficulties? What helps? What doesn’t help?

KM: I find that whatever story I tell myself about my writing tends to come true.  If I let myself think, “There’s not time to write anything good,” then there’s not.  But if I tell myself, “Just write for an hour anyway. Something good will come of it,” that’s usually right, too.

TIW: What is the single most important part of your life (this could be a phrase, a person, a group) that helps you reinforce your resilience as a writer?

KM: Two things: my family and spending time outside.  My husband and kids help me remember at the end of the day that a book is just that… a book… and that even if I wrote it, I’m not defined as a person by what anyone – agent, editor, reviewer, or reader – thinks of it. My husband and kids are also an inspiration on another level – all three are hard-working and tenacious.  Watching them, especially the kids, makes me want to have an attitude that’s just as positive.

Spending time outside is another gift that helps me to put the world of writing in perspective, as I think it can feel like it’s swallowing you up sometimes. A walk in the woods works wonders.

TIW: How do you see (or not see) your own beliefs about and/or experience with resilience figuring into your characters or stories. Do you want to highlight aspects of resilience deliberately? Or do you find that resilience is simply part of how our characters have to evolve in order to create strong stories?

KM: I’m not sure I ever set out to write stories about resilience, but all my books do have that in common.  My agent pointed out to me a while back that even though my books are all different from one another, all of my characters have the common goal of finding their place in the world, on their own terms, and that involves a fair amount of resilience, trying and failing, and trying again.  With Gianna Z. it was finding a way to get her school leaf collection project done on her own terms. With Sugar and Ice, Claire had to overcome obstacles in her new skating life and ultimately decide if this was indeed a dream she wanted to choose for herself.

TIW: Is there anything else about persisting, and staying a resilient writer, that you’d like to share?

KM: I like Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” and I think that’s really important to remember in a writing life.  Someone else will always have better luck with submissions, better sales, a better marketing plan, a better font, nicer cookies at the launch party…you name it.  It helps me to remind myself that I’m in it for the writing…for the joy of telling stories.  It helps so much to keep that in mind.

TIW: Thanks so much for sharing all your thoughts and feelings, Kate! Warmest wishes for the success of SUGAR AND ICE!

So…nothing wrong with beginning anew as we come up on January 2011 (yikes!)…and nothing wrong with setting goals, even making resolutions or vows. Such activities are built in to our secular and many religious frameworks.

If you’re the type of person who finds that you fairly quickly fall short of your New Year goals, you might want to adjust them this time around.

Re-think how you phrase your goals, and make them more realistic and optimistic.  You might preface your resolutions or goals with a phrase such as, “I’m going to make my very best effort to _____________”

The phrase does a couple of things:

1. It softens the promise to yourself, which is not a bad thing, because it takes into account your humanness, and the realities of the world around you.

2. It asks you gently to strive to use your strengths to the best of your ability, which varies from day to day.

These two tips can measurably improve your success with your goals in the coming year. Why? Because they automatically acknowledge that obstacles exist, and that you may not always feel absolutely successful.

That will be way better for your writer’s resilience than falling short.

The other day on a visit to the Chicago Botanic Garden, the Zig-Zag Bridge joining the mainland to the Japanese Island validated the importance of slowing down on the journey from one place to the next.

Transitions…revisions…the reason writers often find lovely and funny “journey analogies” for the writing process is because journeys of all kinds tend to be similar.

The dynamics of journeys small and large bind us together as human beings. We love the search. We love the movement from one place to the next. We love the return home with a newness about us.

I’m garnering intense positivity from my current work on revising this novel. My journey as a writer for children is flourishing, not yet as a book-published author, but internally in brain, heart, spirit. My writing has improved with years of practice. My trust of my own ideas, spurred by questions and comments by a challenging critique group and a decision to work with a freelance editor I’ve admired for years, is finally solidifying.

As the seasons change, I look forward to my least favorite season in Chicago weather-wise with the hope and positivity of indoor productivity and flourishing.

Do you ever feel like you need a forklift to hoist yourself into your writing “place”?

Meredith Resnick of the Writers Inner Journey, talks about moving in and out of “flow”.

Plenty of writers say, “Just do it.”

But what does “just do it” really mean?

Young Adult author Paul Greci says that he and his wife walk around the house with their manuscripts in hand.

I know I have to pick myself up and go somewhere to write; I simply can’t get it done at home because of the temptation of distractions. Once I’m in a “writing place”, I sit with myself calmly a few minutes, organizing my materials, then re-read the manuscript up to the point I’ve stopped. I might make some minor changes as I go, but that process puts me back in the story intellectually and emotionally, and I’m ready to begin again.

Jenny Meyerhoff (QUEEN OF SECRETS, FS&G 2010) told me about the Pomodoro Technique, which organizes work-time into highly productive segments, and for me, one of the side benefits of that is that writing-not writing-writing again transitions become more comfortable.

I’d love to hear your tips for how you help yourself through the natural resistance that’s part of transitioning from not writing to writing. In the meantime, here are three tips to help:

• Find a symbolic way, or ritual, to ease you through your transition (like Paul’s manuscript-carrying or the Pomodoro method that utilizes a timer);
• Go to your “writing place” – literally; changing your environment often helps;
• Use the energy you create from your positive experiences moving past transitions to move past them in the future – memory is a powerful reminder.

Emotional transitions are with us from the moment we’re born. They’re necessary and helpful. Taking the time we need to move from there to here, here to there, can be a calm and productive process if we welcome it as a natural part of the writing life, and life in general.

Still, they’re not fun, so I keep forgetting that I always seem to need them.

Take my current transition between planning a revision and actually beginning the writing. It was like starting an old, faithful car in a Chicago winter that had been standing unused for a few days.

Not that I hadn’t been writing for the five months I’d kept my current w-i-p in a drawer away from my prying eyes. Just that I hadn’t worked on it, hadn’t written the particular way I’m writing in this book.

So I planned to start work Monday. Then I didn’t – although I did charge my netbook and put the manuscript in my knapsack, talk over my pondered revisions with my magnificent critique group, and then came home to see clients.

Then I planned to work Tuesday, but I got distracted with a list of have-to-do things around the house.

I heard myself think, “You are procrastinating. Maybe you can’t – ”

On the verge of a negative self-deprecating comment, I stopped. I noticed what I was doing. It was my transition from getting-ready-to-revise to actually revising.

When I gave it a name, I changed my language, reminded myself that I have a hard time with transitions, and that I was probably revving up my engine. That was all.

Once that happened, I could make it fine that I didn’t spend the whole day writing, which I’d planned to do. I worked on a few pages, and looked forward to the next day.

The next morning I told myself I’d do whatever I could, but another few pages started chugging my engine into warmth. By the end of the day yesterday, I was out of the transition and into fully-committed writing mode again, feeling warm and full of energy.

Maybe I’ll remember the next time…But maybe not. So in case I don’t (or you don’t, for your own transitions), here are my tips:

1. Catch your negative thoughts asap;
2. Notice what you’re doing (“This is interesting” removes you from the process a bit);
3. Give what you’re doing a name – in this case, “transition time”; and
4. Be gentle with yourself as you go through whatever process you need to in the transition from one place to another.

Prairie Grasses, Chicago Botanical Garden

I’m in the rhythm of a changing season, the cycle of the moon, the ebb and flow of life.

It’s been almost a year since I created The Irrepressible Writer, a site to help writers build and maintain psychological resilience. In the past couple of months I’ve wondered if I have much left to say, since for me, maintaining resilience as a writer comes back to a few important things:

1. Accepting one’s own unique emotional ebbs and flows, experiences, history, needs, qualities and characteristics with a gentle touch;
   

   Wind in the Willow, Chicago Botanic Garden

2. Learning to rationally dispute gratuitous negative/pessimistic thinking and practicing the technique in a serious way; and
3. Collecting positive emotions that impact writing and life in general, since all emotions and particularly positive ones, are fleeting.
   

   Changing Leaves, Chicago Botanic Garden

   In  a way, every question I’ve ever had from a writer is answerable within the framework of these three aspects. That doesn’t mean each situation is simple for the person experiencing it, and is not worth pursuing in terms of exploration and discovery.

   But it does mean that the benefits of learning and practicing a gentle approach to yourself and your unique makeup, the skills for disputing negative/pessimistic thinking, and the perpetual collecting of positive emotional experience have broad application.

And, I believe, a deep, hopefully permanent impact.

Those of us who list toward the pessimistic side of things may have to work  hard to shore up positivity for all of our lives, but the familiarity bred by practice has definitely changed distinct aspects of our personalities.

An informal survey of a number of friends and colleagues who have worked hard to be gentler with themselves, for example, report that they are “quicker on the uptake” in the face of a negative experience. The recovery from a downward spiral is easier, and often nipped in the bud before it even happens.

If you think you’ll never feel depressed, think again. The human animal is a constant ebb and flow of emotion, reactive, lively, struggling.

Chicago Botanic Garden

I feel immense gratitude for the skills I’ve learned from others, in person or through books, so that I’m able to continue to pass them on.

October Halo Moon

I told her about my Michelangelo’s Advice blog post, and the experience of walking down the hallway of the Accademia in Florence, with the David at the end of the hall, stopping to immerse myself in the wonder of the unfinished sculptures.

“The process of creating is being the artist.”

They’re not new words. But oh, how often we need the reminders!

In critique group this week, as we puzzled about the complexity and sometimes confusing aspects of the writing business, one writing partner mentioned a Tom Cruise quote about “keeping your head down and doing the work”.

A fabulous reminder, once again, that in the process is the deepest satisfaction. The “flow” comes in the work itself, and that is the positive experience that adds meaning to life.

But sometimes it does feel like it must feel to be a naturally round girl in a culture of Twiggies who is told to feel good about her body just the way it is.

Do you wonder:

• How you can possibly give up the desire to make a mark in the world in the way we’ve learned “means something” – by getting a book contract?
• How you can not feel jealous of friends and colleagues who are publishing/have published books?
• How can you keep writing and enjoying the “journey” when so many of the odds are against you?

Do you feel that all the advice to stop, reverse or change your negative thoughts isn’t working?

When I feel that way, I go to the standby comment that I try to have guide my days: How do I want to spend the moments of my life? What work makes me feel that I am whole, that my life has meaning, that my voice matters, that I am in love with being alive?

A writing friend gave me Mary Oliver’s essay, “Of Power and Time” (from BLUE PASTURES) a few days ago. Her words: “The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”

For me, writing – publication or not – is part of my life’s tapestry. And for you?

If you’ve ever faced unwanted empty writing time between projects, or while waiting to hear from an editor, critique partners or agent, you may know what I mean.

Sure, you know the solution: “Get to work on something else.” But what if nothing else is pulling at you? What if you just don’t feel like you can begin something new? What if your brain can’t even come up with one single idea?

The two paths below show how you can choose to head into a downward spiral, or keep yourself a productive and resilient writer. The framework below is modeled on Martin Seligman’s ABCDE dispute format.

PATH ONE – Pessministic Explanatory Style: Here’s how a downward spiral can begin:

A (the “Adversity”): The plan for my internal deadline on this next revision is pushed back.

B (the “Belief”): in pessimistic explanatory style:

Maybe the agent and editor who were interested in my manuscript won’t be by the time I finish the revision?

Maybe somebody else will write a book like this before I finish mine…

Maybe I won’t be able to do the necessary revisions even when I do get it back…

I can’t even think of anything else I really want to work on!

C: (the “Consequences”): the emotional consequences of the statement above might be a sinking feeling, a little agitation, and a sadly-inviting blanket that could wrap you in more negative self-talk, becoming angry at yourself for doing negative self-talk, etc.

The result of that? Productivity down. And then usually, more negativity. And then, further loss of energy and productivity.

This is where you might often feel stuck. But you have a choice, even if you’ve come this far down the road. Maybe especially if you’ve come this far…So, here’s where PATH TWO (optimistic explanatory style) begins:

D: (the “Dispute”: a ‘dispute’ is a rational, less catastrophic challenge to your negative thoughts; for more details, go here):

Okay, wait a minute. This is interesting. I’m doing this because I have my heart in a manuscript that I can’t work on right now. That’s hard, but there’s nothing else I can do to speed it up. And even when I get it, the revision is likely to take longer than I think!

This isn’t helping me. In fact, it’s a big energy drain.

Whether or not the editor or agent is still interested is not in my control; getting upset about the possibility is distracting and draining.

I don’t even know what else I feel like writing right now; I don’t have another big idea; but I can certainly find productive ways to spend my writing time: 1) submitting polished manuscripts that need to go out again; 2) writing blog posts ahead of schedule to reduce the pressure on me once I begin working on my revision; 3) pitching some articles to writing blogs and magazines; 4) getting out of the house into my writing “office” so that I can see what comes.

E (this symbolizes “energization” – i.e., the positive energy the dispute has created):

Yep, I already feel better. Focused, productive. By the time I get to my revision, I’ll have lots of useful things done, and be able to go into it feeling that I’ve not wasted the waiting time!

Have you been able to use ‘disputing’ to change your path? Does anything seem to stand in the way of doing that? I’d love to hear your thoughts…